Posts Tagged ‘ExLax’

As I’m closing the trunk of my 2014 Honda Insight, my purse strap gets caught in the latch.  I try desperately  to jiggle the strap so it can become free but unfortunately I have to now place the Christmas packages that I just removed from my trunk,  on the wet ground so that I can use my hands to free the strap.

“Oh brother!, UGH, Dumb strap. OK, done!” I looked around as I’m muttering my unladylike frustration.

I grabbed the bags and continued to walk up my brother’s driveway when I noticed all the cars parked around his house and most of the lights in his house were lit.  I didn’t notice that when I was driving up to his house.

Hmmm, that’s funny.  He has company?  Maybe that’s why he declined?

As I’m approaching the front door, I heard Ariana, my sister.  She’s telling a joke about her last year’s Disney vacation how she tried to fit in a seat that was too small for her fat ass.  I hear the distinct roaring and hearty laugh of my other sister Irene in response.  Why is everyone here?  I stopped and proceeded to hunch down and started peeking in the window.  This was weird, I know. If anyone saw me slightly hunched down with my nose up against the window, I could definitely be tagged as a Peeping Tom.  Only now I’m feeling a bit neglected and the hurt is setting in like sand from an hour-glass quickly seeping through its narrow canal and filling my uneasy stomach.

I had to stay calm.  Think! What should I do?  Do I go in and act surprised?  Do I ring the doorbell and do I  say, “Surprise, I’m here”. Do I show my hurt?  Do I confront them?  Why did you all decline, you bastards? What?  Do I smell?  Are you holding a grudge from high school?  I didn’t take your prom date. I didn’t steal your lunch.  I always put back the sweater’s I borrowed from you.  I flushed the toilet, most of the times. What?  Why wasn’t I invited to your little very Merry Christmas get together, Rob?  Shit.  Let me think.

I hesitated, but I decided to go for it.  My hand with my fore-finger extended reaches for the door bell.  It’s done.

Rob, opened the door and without any hesitation yelled out, “Hey everybody,  look who finally showed up, it’s Olivia.”

With a big smile, he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. I could swear on a stack of bibles that tug was just a bit sadistic with an underlying violent intention.    My feet were heavy with fear and I almost tripped over as he pulled me in from the cold.  My stare was obvious and the panic of embarrassment in my face was easily detectable.

Everyone screamed out with laughter.

“Is this April Fool’s Day?” I tried to put on a big smile.

“Santa’s helper is here on April Fools, oh how lovely.” Rob said.

“We thought you’d never get here”. Ariana immediately replied.  “Did you think we would have Christmas without you?

“I don’t know, it seems like you are”. My tone changed to irritation.

“You silly goose, here have a drink”, as Irene grabbed my presents, she shoved a glass of white wine in my hand.

“We were going to give you until 4:00 pm and if you didn’t show up, we were all going to come to your house with the food and presents, we swear.   But, you’re here, so you’re a trooper and you know what they say, payback is a bitch.  You didn’t think I was going to let you get away with your little prank over Thanksgiving , huh?”  Rob said.

My stare transformed to puzzlement as I was trying desperately to remember what prank I pulled on him?

“On common, don’t tell me you can’t remember?  Bathroom?  Occupado for 4 hours?  Does that ring a bell?  Little sister, putting chocolate laxatives in my hot chocolate, was evil.  Did you think I was going to forget about that?  Did you honey?” Rob’s smile was sinister.

Geez, I thought he forgot about that. My prank was priceless and my initial denial was Oscar-worthy! Unfortunately, we lost track of how many times he had to run to the bathroom that day. However, there were a few hours where we didn’t see him.  That must be the four-hour stretch he was referring to. The downstairs bathroom was off-limits to anyone but if you had a gas mask, you were welcome to use it.

“Alright, alright, you got me, I’ll make sure I don’t confess next time, big brother.”  At that moment, I desperately was thinking of my next outrageous prank. Just wait and see big brother!


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