Thoughts&Observations

The feel of cotton up against my chin felt soft and comforting.  I punched the pillow softly on its side to move the fill precisely under the side of my neck and curled up my legs like I was in the safety of my mother’s womb, free of all responsibilities of life.
The sound of the rain drops hitting my window soothed my core and sleep came immediately as I closed my eyes.   I opened them lazily once more just so I can look at the rain drops, hitting the window more rapidly now.  I succumbed to the heaviness of my eyelids and surrendered to slumber.  I have no idea how long I was asleep, it may have been a minute or an hour, but I was awakened by a creaking noise. I slowly opened my eyes again and tried to focus.  I knew that noise. I laid still so that I could hear it again. There it is! It’s that creak on the first step of the stairs.  I looked at the time, it was 2:00 am. I stopped breathing so that I could clearly hear in case I was mistaken.   I could swear I heard that familiar noise. I waited, but nothing. I must be getting paranoid.  The smallest of sounds are intense in the middle of the quite night. I usually hear the humming of the refrigerator, the rain drops falling on the garbage cans, the wind howling, but now I thought I heard that familiar creak, like someone coming up the stairs.

But, there! I heard it again! I held my covers tightly.  I was frozen with fear. My inaction was astounding. I couldn’t even go for my baseball bat or for my phone.  I laid in bed, paralyzed with absolute, disgusting fear.  I heard the footsteps getting closer and more precise.  I could not move. My heart was pounding. My fists were clenched holding the blanket tightly. I felt my nails piercing into my palms.  I didn’t want to look toward the doorway. I was numb. I heard the footsteps getting closer to my bed and then…nothing. It’s as if I was a little child. Kept my eyes shut tight and the boogeyman will go away,

It was awfully quite, when suddenly, I felt a hand on my clenched fists.  I then felt a hand slide under my back. I was being lifted.  Still holding on to the blanket, unable to unlock my grip from fear, I looked up to see who this stranger is.  I could not see a face but I could see his lips.  He said, “Do not be alarmed.  Do not be afraid.  I will take you where you want to go.”

I felt a calm overtake my body immediately. I did not question him.  I trusted him. He wrapped me in his wings and we ascended into the dark sky and headed east, over the Atlantic Ocean.  I could see the moonlight shining over the Atlantic and its waves illuminated by the moon. I wasn’t cold.  We were flying toward the sunrise. The sun rays were coming through the clouds.  I was beginning to see blue skies.  I could now see land.  We were flying over Portugal and Spain. We were now above the Adriatic Sea. I could see the little island of Pantagonia.  We began our descent.  I could now see the clusters of mountainside villages.  White houses with blue shutters, with their distinct clay rooftops.

I knew exactly where he was taking me. He knew exactly where the cemetery was.  He knew exactly where he was buried.  He lowered me gently onto the ground.  I was facing the tombstone now.  I touched his name. I slid my fingers back and forth over the engraving. I knelt and looked at his name for a while.  The dirt underneath my knees was hard and packed.

“I’m sorry”, I said.  “I’m sorry you died alone.”

” Sorry doesn’t cut it anymore, does it?”

I sat there motionless.  It’s just too late now.

I looked around. I wanted to see a sign.  I was numb. There is nothing I can do now. It’s too late. Maybe he will give me a sign.

The angel said, “It’s time to go.”  I paused and I looked at his name one more time.  I reached out and touched it. Just maybe I may feel something.  I kissed the cold, marble tombstone and kept my hand on the smooth surface for a moment.

He took my hand to help me up and wrapped me in his wings.   We ascended slowly into the heavens.  I looked down to see the cemetery, I could now see the little island becoming smaller and smaller.  I was protected in his wing.  We were over the Atlantic now and approaching darkness.  Soon we were going up the eastern shoreline. My home was soon into view.  We began our descent.  He lowered me into my bed.  I was between my covers now. I thanked him.

My thoughts were numb. I can only wish for a sign.

Sorry seems to be the only word.